Hell Yes Santa Is A White Man

Posted: December 14, 2013 in Flat-0ut Bullshit
Tags: ,


Okay.  For those of you who are fortunate enough to live outside the United States, and not be exposed to the right wing lunacy of the Fox News Channel, here’s a little background.  A few days ago, one of their female morning show hosts/hostesses Megyn Kelly, a blond, Miss America looking skank, said that Santa Claus was a white man, as was Jesus.  Well sure as shit, everyone went bonkers over that one, and while we’re now consumed with the racial origins of fictional characters, I thought I’d throw in my idiotical two cents worth.

The cool thing about arguing over pretend stuff is, nobody is wrong.  But in-order to prove myself right, I posted this picture of Santa that proves it.  He’s a white guy, and that’s all there is to it!  You’ll also notice that Santa Is a second amendment freak, cause he’s armed with a sword (no doubt for protection only should he accidentally come down the chimney of a black family who think he’s there to burglarize them).

Santa’s also a pot-head.  Must have smoked some good weed to have that shit-eating grin on his face.  And talk about the munchies, no wonder he’s so fat, with everyone leavin’ him all those treat to nibble on when he’s up the ‘high’ on your roof top.  I worry though that he might be a pedophile, what with that little boy under his arm.  Maybe he has a day job as a priest.

Now Jesus…there’s no argument there.  All ya gotta do is look at all his pictures (except those from Ethiopia) to know that he was a 100% all American white boy.


  1. lobotero says:

    I wish I could debate you but your evidence is overwhelming….LOL

  2. I missed this entirely. The title of blithering idiot should be bestowed upon Ms. Kelly!

  3. john zande says:

    I loved Kelly’s “It’s historical” comment. Fox just got dumber… if that was possible.

  4. Pshaw. Everyone knows Santa and Jesus are Italian, Republican, Presbyterian and from New York City and Yankees fans till death. Beyond death too.

  5. You’ve got a rich imagination Carl. Santa is Norwegian, from Los Angeles, and a Dodgers fan. Sorry.

  6. T E Stazyk says:

    This made headline news down here! The article quoted her as saying: “You know, I mean, Jesus was a white man too. He was a historical figure; that’s a verifiable fact as is Santa, I want you kids watching to know that:”

    I love ” . . . that’s a verifiable fact, as is Santa.” Is she still employed?

  7. Santa is probably a modern version of a northern European shaman. Inuit / Eskimo peoples allegedly consumed the red and white fly agaric mushroom, an hallucinogenic fungus that transported them to other worlds and gave them the sensation of flying. The reindeer appear in the story because they allegedly ate the magic mushrooms and peed it out into the snow, thus removing toxins harmful to humans. The shamans (shamen?) ate the yellow snow and got high. The spirit associated with this practice wears red and white and flies with reindeer. That’s why your Santa is grinning, he’s off his trolley lol.

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