Deck the Howls with Bowels of Folly

Posted: December 19, 2013 in Foolishness
Tags: ,

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I don’t know about you, but for me, Christmas is a royal pain in the ass.  I hate it, but go through the motions.  I give my adult children money – cash, a few $100 bills each.  And as impersonal as it is, they don’t seem to mind it, nor have they voiced any opposition to the Ben Franklins coming their way.  In return, I tell them to give me  dark chocolate (70% cocoa at least) and a nice bottle of chardonnay.

Now The Wife, that’s a different story altogether.  Can’t give her cash – she controls the checkbook.  So it’s gotta be something personal.  Thing of it is, she won’t write down what that may be, let alone specify the store, aisle, and shelf where it’s hidden, so I can go into the store, grab it and get the hell outta there as fast as I can.   Plus, after forty years of marriage, I should know what she likes and makes her happy.  Men don’t know what women want.  We buy gifts for them because we either want sex, or want them off our backs [lot of hell to be caught for that one].

So we’re doomed.  If ya buy her diamonds, she’ll just think you’re a pig who’s only interested in sex (guaranteeing ya won’t be getting any anytime soon), and if ya get her something practical, she’ll just jump in your shit for buying her yet another kitchen appliance.

Maybe a new broom would be an excellent gift.  She could sweep out the kitchen, and also use it for transportation 🙂

Enjoy the holidays.

  1. Chris says:

    I see trouble heading your way. Good Luck. I think the diamonds might be the way to go.

  2. lobotero says:

    I have the same feeling about Xmas….but mine is for personal reasons…..the month of December has been nothing but agony since 1969…..deaths, injuries, hospitals, etc….I would rather just get rid of the month altogether….

  3. T E Stazyk says:

    How about a family portrait drawn by you?

  4. richardmax22 says:

    I would just as soon raise my face to the sky, say, Happy Birthday Jesus, and call it a day!

  5. Naughty Hansi. A boyfriend of mine once gave me a meat mallet for Xmas. What do you think that meant?

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