Archive for March, 2011

Time To Blither

Posted: March 31, 2011 in Foolishness

I got one comin’ on, it’s time to blither.

I’m not holdin’ back, no time to dither.

Takin’ care of myself, for the sake of my liver

And when it comes to love, I’m keepin’ my arrow in its quiver.

I just love doo-wop ( group harmony rock and roll), not only for the music, but for the lyrics, which made no sense what so all.  The Edsels did this song way back in the late 50’s:

I’ve got a girl named Rama Lama Lama Ding Dong

She’s everything to me

Rama Lama Lama Ding Dong

I’ll never set her free

For she’ mine all mine.

I’ve got a girl whole really really looks like King Kong

She’s someone I want to flee

Really really looks like King Kong

She never lets me be

She scares me all the time.

Keeping It Clean

Posted: March 19, 2011 in Foolishness
Tags:

I’m keeping it clean

If ya know what I mean.

Don’t want ta be mean

But that’s my new scene:

Keeping it clean, if ya know what I mean.

 

Got a comment the other day

Much to a readers dismay.

She didn’t hate it

But felt my verse X-rated.

So I’m keeping it clean, don’t wanta be obscene.

 

I love to make a pun

It’s so much fun.

Kinda like getting some,

Or a hair up your bum.

So I’m keeping it clean, don’t want ya to run.

 

 

Simple Simon

Posted: March 17, 2011 in Flat-0ut Bullshit

Simple Simon was a “pie” man

The bearded clam he loved to eat.

Simple Simon, couldn’t resist a hymen,

For him, it was a delicious treat.

Simple Simon, was a sly man

Always thinking on his feet.

But Simple Simon, couldn’t get enough “pie” man!

Fore he thought it oh so sweet.

*

The girl at the bank, who was a total skank

Cried bucks, bucks, bucks

A man in line, found her real fine

And thought fucks, fucks, fucks

Limericks Schmericks

Posted: March 13, 2011 in Flat-0ut Bullshit

You just gotta love limericks.  the perfect form for satirical, and scatological, verse.  Here’s a few I dug out of the sewer archives.  Enjoy:

There’s nothing better that I seem to adore

Than a tale bout some dirty old whore.

How she’s nasty and raw

And breaking the law,

While leaving her customers screaming for more.

*

There once was a man named Frank

Whose wife was a trailer-park skank.

That sweet little darlin’

Could give a good schnarlin’

So the rest of the Trash thought her top rank.

*

There once was a man named Frank

Whose wife he often liked to spank.

He got a little kinky

And his finger, somewhat stinky

Fore upon his dong, she often times did yank.

*

A Man who was rather a scold

Found his wife frigid and cold

She could never get hot

He couldn’t find the right spot

So all his lovemaking was put on hold

*

There once was a gal named Palin

Who was in need of a vigorous nailin’

She was kind of a fox

With those long brown locks

But every time she opened her mouth, it was  only wailin’

Tsunami

Posted: March 11, 2011 in Flat-0ut Bullshit

I’m sitting here at 5:30 a.m. pacific time waiting for the Tsunami to hit.  TSUNAMI   Yeah, the one that hit Japan last night after the 8.9 earthquake!!

I live close to the coast 60 miles north of Los Angeles.  And what do I wake up to at 5 a.m.?  News of a tsunami headin’ my way.  Shit….What am I gonna do???   Well, write some really bad poetry about it; I’ll panic later depending on how Hawaii does.

Tsunami, salami, things could get a little swampy.

What the hell am I gonna do?

Run out and gas up

Stop by the store for some batteries and food.

 

Tsunami, fahlami, this could be a real blast

We’ll know for sure, after the first wave’s past.

I’m gettin’ a on my bike and going to the beach

But if the wave’s to big, I’m gettin’ out of there and fast.

 

 

A long time ago I wrote this rock song about making it, here in the Land of Prosperity, and the wild chase after the elusive “American Dream”.  Musically, it was a little like The Talking Head’s   “Life During Wartime”.

Another day, another dollar

Got to make as much money as I can

To buy a car, to buy a refrigerator

To buy a machine to open my cans.

I Get up early, and work all night

I’m doin’  it with all my might.

To please the boss, to please my honey,

Even so you can please my wife.

Things are good, but they’re not what they seem.

I’m trying to be all that I can be.

I got a great big house, a German car;

I’m living the American dream.

I drive through traffic and risk my life,

There goes another nut behind the wheel,

Get to the office, drink my coffee,

Start to work on my next deal.

I rush through lunch, I’m not hungry.

I gotta show the Board my new plan.

I’m working hard, I’ll have plenty

I’m a 21 st century man.

Things are good, but they’re not what they seem.

I’m trying to be all that I can be.

I got a great big house, a German car.

You know I’m living the American dream.

I play the market, I’m a share holder.

I got a five figure IRA plan.

I’m buying a boat, taking a trip to Europe,

The kids’ll go to the best college they can.

I’m still a hippie, I’m still a liberal

But times call for a conservative stance.

I know there’s poor, I know there’s homeless,

But all they need is a second chance.

Yes I’m living the American Dream

Yes I’m living the American Dream.