Archive for the ‘Flat-0ut Bullshit’ Category

True Confessions

Posted: January 25, 2014 in Flat-0ut Bullshit

January 9 2014 005I’ve got a shit-load of good stuff written for this blog, with quick ink sketches to match.  But, it’s all in longhand, and frankly, I’ve been too damn lazy to photograph the drawings and type all this stuff up into a blog post.  So its sitting there in piles of stuff I’ve put off and don’t wanna deal with.

Maybe I don’t wanna sit in front of a computer, because that’s what I do all day when I go to The House Of Pain twice a week for four hours and crank out repetitive mindless computerized probation bullshit (which generally results in some poor turd getting screwed by a return to court) for my former employer, my counties’ Probation Department.

The most addictive think I know of is nicotine – a hard habit to break.  The second most is money!  [Some would argue that #2 is pussy*, but for me, that’s dropped way down the list of intoxicants that can ruin one’s life].  I retired from fighting crime way back in 2004, but within six months, found myself going back part-time, and having been working as such pretty much ever since.  It’s not that I have a bad pension.  What with Social Security, I’m doing just fine.

But having that extra income coming in makes things even finer.  Not that I’m gonna rush out and buy a bunch of shit.  Hell No!  You don’t get rich by buyin’ stuff, ya get rich by saving it.  Thing is, one can get strung-out in the pursuit of filthy lucre.  So ya wanna only do it in moderation, and not let it blow your mind…like it’s blowing mine.

* Okay, I gotta be politically correct here, and not offend anyone.  The term ‘pussy’ is just a metaphor for sex drive, both male and female.  Nothing sexist or insensitive.  And if ya truly despise the word, thing Poontang instead.  [Mike Huckabee made me say that] 🙂

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Lesson For The Day

Posted: January 23, 2014 in Flat-0ut Bullshit
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Don’t ever, and I’m talkin’ never ever, draw on scrap paper if you’re trying to produce some serious artwork.  This is a truism, worthy of being written on a bathroom wall.  Good thing this wasn’t a serious piece, or I would have cropped out the fact that I’m drawing on some cheap-ass paper The Wife scrounged from some garbage can or thrift store.  Garbage in – garbage out?  Perhaps.  Something to thing about.

Slippin’ In

Posted: January 9, 2014 in Flat-0ut Bullshit

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Okay…this is just what I was trying to avoid when I stopped doing my “Hansi” blog.  See, I drew the above ink drawing while in my “Hansi” phase, and colored it in the other night while in my “Blithering Idiot” phase.  And like a true fucking idiot, I slipped back into what I was trying to get out of.  People who’ve done a shit-load of drugs or abused alcohol would call it a ‘relapse’.

Well sure as shit, I relapsed into my old Hansi mode and drew more of the same ol’ shit.  Sounds bad, but you know what?  Relapse is just doing a behavior that you’ve become comfortable with and comes easily.  So it’s not necessarily a bad thing, unless your life is going down the tubes because of it.  Then you have a little “problem area”.

So now…being in full relapse mode.  When I was a probation officer, I met a lot of people who were really fucked-up, whose problem areas were quite expansive.  Addicts and alcoholics, wife beaters, rapists and child molesters.  My favorite was Mr LaPeep.  A real “Chester the Molester”, he was the ultimate stereotype of the dirty old man offering children candy.  His first conviction for ‘lewd behavior’ was in 1946!  A year before I was born [I met him early on in my career].  He was what we called a “dirt-bag”, for whom I had no qualms in recommending a return to prison.

Ah yes…the cream of the crop.  Don’t know what got me onto this.  Maybe just another joyful ode to the glory of herbal medications.

Nothing To Say

Posted: December 28, 2013 in Flat-0ut Bullshit

If ya have nothing to say.  Don’t write about it!  Don’t proclaim to the world that you’ve come up short (once again).  And don’t go tryin’ to solicit a pity-party just because you’re runnin’ on empty.  Nobody wants to read about nothing.

That’s all I got to say.

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A no-picture post

Posted: December 17, 2013 in Flat-0ut Bullshit

In my ongoing attempt to keep this from becoming an “art blog”, I’ve decided to forgo posting one of my recent drawings, and rather make it a written post only.  But then I got to thinking:  some of my stuff, while definitely not serious art, is still pretty cool, and makes the written stuff more interesting.  Most people come here to look at my pictures, and not read a bunch of bullshit.  I sure wouldn’t read this crap if I didn’t write it.  If I wanted to fill my mind with bullshit, I’d watch Fox News for a few hours.

It’s been said that “a picture is worth a thousand words.”  I sure wish some of my pictures were worth a thousand dollars.

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Okay.  For those of you who are fortunate enough to live outside the United States, and not be exposed to the right wing lunacy of the Fox News Channel, here’s a little background.  A few days ago, one of their female morning show hosts/hostesses Megyn Kelly, a blond, Miss America looking skank, said that Santa Claus was a white man, as was Jesus.  Well sure as shit, everyone went bonkers over that one, and while we’re now consumed with the racial origins of fictional characters, I thought I’d throw in my idiotical two cents worth.

The cool thing about arguing over pretend stuff is, nobody is wrong.  But in-order to prove myself right, I posted this picture of Santa that proves it.  He’s a white guy, and that’s all there is to it!  You’ll also notice that Santa Is a second amendment freak, cause he’s armed with a sword (no doubt for protection only should he accidentally come down the chimney of a black family who think he’s there to burglarize them).

Santa’s also a pot-head.  Must have smoked some good weed to have that shit-eating grin on his face.  And talk about the munchies, no wonder he’s so fat, with everyone leavin’ him all those treat to nibble on when he’s up the ‘high’ on your roof top.  I worry though that he might be a pedophile, what with that little boy under his arm.  Maybe he has a day job as a priest.

Now Jesus…there’s no argument there.  All ya gotta do is look at all his pictures (except those from Ethiopia) to know that he was a 100% all American white boy.

 

I’m not featuring a drawing predominantly on this post, cause I don’t want this blog to be an art blog, but rather a “blithering” blog wherein I can spew forth my thoughts and get then outta me.  Kinda like an exorcism or having a demon cast.

Jesus sure made a lot of demons homeless when He was walking around.  One of my favorite bible stories is about the Gadarene Swine (Mark 5: 1-13 if you remember where you packed away your Sunday School Bible).  There was a man who lived in a cemetery who had an “unclean spirit” (probably a schizophrenic) who Jesus came across in “the country of the Gadarenes”. Well before helping out this mentally ill homeless person, Jesus had a little chat with the demon, and finds out his name is Legion, because there where many inside the guy [talk about multiple personalities].  So after catching-up with the demons about the good old days before everything turned to shit, the demons, who were former angels now turned bad, implore Jesus not to evict them but rather let them live in a herd of nearby swine.  Being  not only the Good Shepard, but the Good Landlord also, He grants their wish, whereupon they enter the swine, go berserk and run off a cliff.

Right now, I think they’ve all taken up habitation in the Republican Party.  And no wonder everything tastes so devilishly good when super-sized with bacon.

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Wouldn’t it be weird having another person or being sharing your body?  I’d go nuts. There’s barely enough facilities inside me to service myself, let alone some leach of an evil spirit trying to hog everything.