Nursery Crimes

Posted: February 23, 2011 in Foolishness
Tags: , ,

Jack and Phil went up the hill

To stretch each others waggers

Jack fell down, and said with a frown

Phil can bugger me anytime he swaggers.”


Jack Splat could stand no fat

His wife, she wasn’t very lean

Jack Splat laid her on her back

And licked her honey pot clean.


The Queen of Hearts

Had the farts

To everyone’s dismay.

The Knave of Hearts

Also did fart

And cleared the palace away.

The King of Hearts

Smelled those farts,

And beat the Knave sore.

The Knave of Hearts

Couldn’t take back the farts,

But promised he’d let no more.

Wee Willies’ winkie was seen throughout the town

Upstairs or downstairs, protruding from his gown.

Rapping at a window, showing off his bone

He’s now in jail, left all alone.


Twinkle, twinkle, little star

Here I sit, in the neighborhood bar.

Up upon a stool so high,

With a cigarette butt, in my eye.

Twinkle twinkle, I’ve gone too far.

Life’s turn to shit, sittin’ in this bar.

Lost my job; the Wife left me today

Time to get off my ass and go to AA.

  1. Bill Murney says:

    Is that aerobics in the drawing or a back scuttle?

    Disgusted, Ashton-under-Lyne, UK

  2. hansi says:

    I gave ya a plug on my blog this morning. Hope it helps ya get some readers. i must say though, some of your stuff is pretty raunchy. I hope young children don’t stumble upon your site.

    • Hansi…Thanks for the link, but you can keep the moralizing at home. My stuff is raw humor, in a poetic form. Not a bunch of warmed over Hippie psychedelic bullshit like your Hansi’s Hallucinations. Get off your ‘high’ horse; you’re just a relic of the 60’s.

  3. brian miller says:

    you know i am never going to be able to hear these the same again…

  4. A little dirty old lady says:

    I’m inspired:

    Mary had a little lamb
    It’s dang she loved to blow
    And everywhere that Mary went
    The lamb was sure to flow.

    It followed her to class one day
    Which was against the rule.
    It made the children laugh and play
    Cuz Mary blew her lamb at school.

    • Your not inspired, you’re sick in the head and a true dirty old lady, if you can even call yourself a lady. That was disgusting.

      Mary had a little lamb
      Who liked to lick her twaut
      And everywhere that Mary went
      The lamb was hot to trot.

      It followed her to class one day
      Which was against the rule
      And dove into that hairy thing
      While Mary sat on her stool.

  5. A little dirty old lady says:

    Now I really don’t know who can get dirtier! And I am a lady in public–what I do or am behind closed doors I’ll keep for myself!

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